MORE How many people does it take to change an energy efficient light bulb?

cfl bulb

~ Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

~ Two; one to change it, one to spray green paint on to the new bulb so no-one bashes it with a big stick.

~ Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill.

Catholic Priests
~ Three; one to change it, one to hear his confession and one to give the old bulb last rites.

~ Two; one to change it and one to cross the road.

~ Thousands, because Confucius says “many hands make light work”.

~ Only one. But it takes nine visits.

Circus performers
~ Four. One to change the bulb and three to go: "Ta da!"

College students
~ Dunno, I forgot my calculator.

College football players
~ Just one -- and he gets three credits for it!

Computer journalists
~ Fifty-four; Fifty to write boring reviews of all the existing light bulbs, all concluding that Microsoft is best, one to write a remarkably similar review in a broadsheet the next month, another to have a big one come out in a Sunday paper two months later, another to hint that a completely new and updated bulb is coming out, and the fifty-fourth to report a rumour that the new bulb is shipping with a virus.

Computer programmers
~ Two; one always leaves in the middle of the project.
~ None. That's a hardware function.

~ Three; one to deny that it's gone out, one to say that it's burning more brightly than under any previous Labour government and one to change it while no-one's looking.

~ We'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

~ None; light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.

~ Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the low energy light bulb , and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.

Divorced Men
~ None. They never get the house.

DIY buffs
~ One. But it takes two weekends and three trips to the hardware store.

~ None; they just tell it to take two aspirin and get plenty of rest.
~ One; but he needs a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
~ Two; one to change the bulb and one to sign the death certificate.
~ Three; one to diagnose the problem, one to prescribe a new bulb ... and one to watch the nurse change it

~ Twenty-one; one to hold the bulb and 20 to drink until the room spins.

~ Five; one to change it and four to beat back all the guitarists trying to elbow their way into the spotlight.

Dull people
~ One.

Dylan fans
~ The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Dyslexic people
~ Eno.

~ Two; one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.

Efficiency experts
~ None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.

~ One-ish; it depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. Then it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone and change the universe. It's all relative.

Elvis fans
~ None. They will never find another bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

~ Forty-five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable - but functional - hand grip, one to design warning labels for the bulb, the switch ... and ...

Film Directors
~ Just one, but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done, everyone says that his last light bulb was much better.

~ Four; Three to cut a hole in the roof, and one to change the bulb.

~ Two. but no one seems ever to know how they get in there.

~ Wouldn't you like to know?

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Points To Ponder

On Being British
A British daily newspaper ran a contest asking its readers "What does it mean to be British?" Here is the winning response:

"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then traveling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all is being suspicious of anything foreign."

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