Come Again Doctor?
The following are rumoured to be actual statements recorded by doctors and nurses on medical intake forms at a busy clinic in Ontario.
- The patient has no previous history of suicides.
- Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
- Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
- Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
- Patient reports she is numb from her toes down.
- While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
- The skin was moist and dry.
- Patient suffers from occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
- Patient was alert and unresponsive.
- Posterior examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (think about that one for a moment)
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
- Patient has two teenagers at home, but no other visible abnormalities.
- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
- She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
- By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
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