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We've searched high and low to find only the best one-liners, puns, laughable moments, and jokes to share with you...

Come Again

Bean

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.



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Points To Ponder

Something to think about
  • Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
  • Why do round pizzas come in square boxes?
  • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
  • Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up just about every two hours?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in crappy binoculars to look at things way down on the ground?
  • Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

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